I have decided to start a new blog, purely to follow our pregnancy, and im going to get Adam to do one too. This one will always be here for us to look back and remember how desperate we were for this to happen :) I am still in such shock, and keep bursting randomly into happy tears :) So heres to a new year, new start, new family, new blog :)
Love always xx
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Monday, 27 December 2010
The time of my life! :)
We had the most perfect christmas, Adam loved all his presents, i loved all of mine, we got to spend the entire day with different parts of our close family. It was the perfect little Christmas.
We decided against doing the pregnancy test, as i didnt think it would show up anyway, being only a day late, and we didnt want to upset ourselves.
Adam bought me an apple mac computer, for me to set up my recording studio, which i thought would be a good way to take my mind off the baby making thing.
I had a bit of an emotional evening, I spent over an hour holding and feeding our tiny new baby neice, and it felt so perfect to have her in my arms. Once they had left, i ended up crying almost uncontrolably on Kelly and Amanda, thinking that it was never going to happen for me.
Then my Birthday came, it was the first Birthday i have ever woken up away from my mum, and it felt so strange, but it seemed like my first proper one as an adult.
We went to my grandparents in the morning, where my dad met us from Norfolk. Adam, my sister and her fiance, my grandparent, my dad and I spent the morning doing all our presents, almost like another mini christmas. We then had a lovely Gammon lunch, before setting off to mums to go to the Panto! Had a suprisingly good time at the theatre, before returning to my mums house with all the extended family. We did a few presents, and my mum put on a buffet, i sat and played with my cousins two year old little boy for a while who i love sooo much! We then set off to Adams mums for my little birthday tea party :)
A few minutes after we arrived there, a search was started for a bag containing Adams Grandfathers presents. People looked all over, before i suggested we nip to check we didnt pick it up on christmas night and take it home. So we nipped back to check.
On our way to the car, i asked Adam whether he wanted me to take the test, just to put us out of our misery, we were still thinking about it constantly and we could always pick another one up to do in a few weeks time :) So we decided to do that.
When we got home, Adam started looking in all the boxes of gifts at the bottom of the stairs while i rushed straight upstairs to grab my test. As i hurried into the bathroom, Adam picked up his ipad and started planting some seeds on a 'Smurfs' game he's been playing, while he slowly walked up the stairs. I took the test, and placed it on the edge of the bath, the two boxed both turn a pinky colour straight away which showed it was working, then.. almost a matter of seconds later TWO little purple lines started to appear. I shouted for Adam to come, and he was already half way up the stairs, i screamed 'I think its positive' as i started to sob!
Adam came in looking all wobbly and picked the test up straight away, his eyes seemed to fill up, his hand was shaking and his voice went all wobbly, he kept saying 'we need to be sure' and stared constantly at the test. After a few minutes he looked at me with a look i will never forget. His eyes were damp and he looked the proudest i have ever seen him. i threw my arms round his tummy and sobbed. It was the most amazing feeling (and birthday present!!!) in the world!
I cried the whole way back in the car and we planned what we were going to say.
When we got there i went straight into the bathroom in attempt to make myself look less tearful, Adam went and fetched Kelly and Craig. Kelly sat on the toilet and craig stood in the doorway, both of them looking nervous. Adams started talking about how they have been wanting to move in, he said 'We've been thinking, you two can have the spare room, then in the babys room, your cot can go 'there' and our cot can go 'here'! ' At that, i began to cry again, and a look of shock came on Kels face, she jumped up and started to cry 'Are you Pregnant??' She said. I didnt say anything, and pulled the test out. She took one look and grabbed me, and we both cried :)
We then went into the lounge where, Adams mum, dad, brother and his girlfriend, grandad and his friend were sitting. Adam stood in the middle of the room, while i stood crying by the door,he started giving this speech about how he'd wanted to give me a really special gift for my birthday. 'So i thought id knock her up' was the punchline of the story, which isnt one id have chosen myself but never mind.
I stared his mum straight in the eye and could tell she was trying to piece it all together, then she suddenly jumped up and came to hug me with a face full of tears.
Everyone seemed so happy!
We then decided to pop back to my mums, as i couldnt wait to tell her. All the way there i sat shaking, wondering how she would react, although i knew it wouldnt be a negative reaction. When we'd left her house earlier in the day, we had left behind a box of gifts from my grandparents house, so saw this as a brilliant excuse for our return. We went into the lounge, which was still full of relatives and asked her where the box was. She got up and went into the study, so we both followed her. 'Oh and we forgot about another present we'd got you' i said, and the tears began to fall again. Her face dropped and she went pale and nervous. 'What is it?' she asked. 'Your going to be a Grandma' i told her. She literally burst straight into excited tears and with a little shriek grabbed hold of me and squeezed me tight. It was the most precious cuddle i have ever had from my mum, and iv had a fair few! Then, my sister came down, she walked into the room and we didnt even have to tell her, she started crying too and we all hugged together.
We then went into the lounge to break the news to all the listening ears. Everybody was really pleased. My little 9 year old cousin Keighley said 'Is Milly pregnant? She doesnt look it!' :)
We spent about 15 minutes there, talking about dates and decisions before heading back to Adams mums. Once we got there, little two year old Ellie had heard all the excitement, and so was brought down to join the party. Amanda said to her 'Theres a little baby in Aunty Kellys tummy, and now theres a baby in Aunty Millys tummy too'. At that, Ellie walked straight over to Kelly and lifted her top up to find the baby. It was so cute.
The rest of the evening was spent with loads of cuddles, girly chats and squeeks. Adam instantly became very protective of me, and insited on fetching me chairs and drinks and carrying my bags, bless him.
So yes, that was my dream come true. The best Birthday i could ever have hoped for. One i will certainly never forget!
XxXxxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
We decided against doing the pregnancy test, as i didnt think it would show up anyway, being only a day late, and we didnt want to upset ourselves.
Adam bought me an apple mac computer, for me to set up my recording studio, which i thought would be a good way to take my mind off the baby making thing.
I had a bit of an emotional evening, I spent over an hour holding and feeding our tiny new baby neice, and it felt so perfect to have her in my arms. Once they had left, i ended up crying almost uncontrolably on Kelly and Amanda, thinking that it was never going to happen for me.
Then my Birthday came, it was the first Birthday i have ever woken up away from my mum, and it felt so strange, but it seemed like my first proper one as an adult.
We went to my grandparents in the morning, where my dad met us from Norfolk. Adam, my sister and her fiance, my grandparent, my dad and I spent the morning doing all our presents, almost like another mini christmas. We then had a lovely Gammon lunch, before setting off to mums to go to the Panto! Had a suprisingly good time at the theatre, before returning to my mums house with all the extended family. We did a few presents, and my mum put on a buffet, i sat and played with my cousins two year old little boy for a while who i love sooo much! We then set off to Adams mums for my little birthday tea party :)
A few minutes after we arrived there, a search was started for a bag containing Adams Grandfathers presents. People looked all over, before i suggested we nip to check we didnt pick it up on christmas night and take it home. So we nipped back to check.
On our way to the car, i asked Adam whether he wanted me to take the test, just to put us out of our misery, we were still thinking about it constantly and we could always pick another one up to do in a few weeks time :) So we decided to do that.
When we got home, Adam started looking in all the boxes of gifts at the bottom of the stairs while i rushed straight upstairs to grab my test. As i hurried into the bathroom, Adam picked up his ipad and started planting some seeds on a 'Smurfs' game he's been playing, while he slowly walked up the stairs. I took the test, and placed it on the edge of the bath, the two boxed both turn a pinky colour straight away which showed it was working, then.. almost a matter of seconds later TWO little purple lines started to appear. I shouted for Adam to come, and he was already half way up the stairs, i screamed 'I think its positive' as i started to sob!
Adam came in looking all wobbly and picked the test up straight away, his eyes seemed to fill up, his hand was shaking and his voice went all wobbly, he kept saying 'we need to be sure' and stared constantly at the test. After a few minutes he looked at me with a look i will never forget. His eyes were damp and he looked the proudest i have ever seen him. i threw my arms round his tummy and sobbed. It was the most amazing feeling (and birthday present!!!) in the world!
I cried the whole way back in the car and we planned what we were going to say.
When we got there i went straight into the bathroom in attempt to make myself look less tearful, Adam went and fetched Kelly and Craig. Kelly sat on the toilet and craig stood in the doorway, both of them looking nervous. Adams started talking about how they have been wanting to move in, he said 'We've been thinking, you two can have the spare room, then in the babys room, your cot can go 'there' and our cot can go 'here'! ' At that, i began to cry again, and a look of shock came on Kels face, she jumped up and started to cry 'Are you Pregnant??' She said. I didnt say anything, and pulled the test out. She took one look and grabbed me, and we both cried :)
We then went into the lounge where, Adams mum, dad, brother and his girlfriend, grandad and his friend were sitting. Adam stood in the middle of the room, while i stood crying by the door,he started giving this speech about how he'd wanted to give me a really special gift for my birthday. 'So i thought id knock her up' was the punchline of the story, which isnt one id have chosen myself but never mind.
I stared his mum straight in the eye and could tell she was trying to piece it all together, then she suddenly jumped up and came to hug me with a face full of tears.
Everyone seemed so happy!
We then decided to pop back to my mums, as i couldnt wait to tell her. All the way there i sat shaking, wondering how she would react, although i knew it wouldnt be a negative reaction. When we'd left her house earlier in the day, we had left behind a box of gifts from my grandparents house, so saw this as a brilliant excuse for our return. We went into the lounge, which was still full of relatives and asked her where the box was. She got up and went into the study, so we both followed her. 'Oh and we forgot about another present we'd got you' i said, and the tears began to fall again. Her face dropped and she went pale and nervous. 'What is it?' she asked. 'Your going to be a Grandma' i told her. She literally burst straight into excited tears and with a little shriek grabbed hold of me and squeezed me tight. It was the most precious cuddle i have ever had from my mum, and iv had a fair few! Then, my sister came down, she walked into the room and we didnt even have to tell her, she started crying too and we all hugged together.
We then went into the lounge to break the news to all the listening ears. Everybody was really pleased. My little 9 year old cousin Keighley said 'Is Milly pregnant? She doesnt look it!' :)
We spent about 15 minutes there, talking about dates and decisions before heading back to Adams mums. Once we got there, little two year old Ellie had heard all the excitement, and so was brought down to join the party. Amanda said to her 'Theres a little baby in Aunty Kellys tummy, and now theres a baby in Aunty Millys tummy too'. At that, Ellie walked straight over to Kelly and lifted her top up to find the baby. It was so cute.
The rest of the evening was spent with loads of cuddles, girly chats and squeeks. Adam instantly became very protective of me, and insited on fetching me chairs and drinks and carrying my bags, bless him.
So yes, that was my dream come true. The best Birthday i could ever have hoped for. One i will certainly never forget!
XxXxxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
Friday, 24 December 2010
To test or not to test :/
Well i havent blogged for a while, mainly because there hasnt been a great deal to say on the baby front. I still want one. Desperately. End of story :/
Found out recently that my lovely sister in law is now expecting, which is lovely, because it means i can get my baby fix, and have one as a big part of my life, and have a fantastic excuse for all the baby shopping i do :)
Well i think we've given it a pretty good shot this month, we've stuck to all our dates and done everything 'by the book', but still.. im not getting my hopes up.
Today is Christmas eve, aswell as my due date :( Which is pretty suckyish in to anyone, but especially to me at the moment, i have no idea how i am going to feel when my period arrives and its looking likely to either be Christmas day, My 21st Birthday or my Party day, none of which are overly appealing to me.
My fabulous friend Beki (also expecting) gave me a 'lucky pregnancy test' as a secret santa gift and told me to take it on Christmas morning. Im battling with myself as to whether to go ahead with this or not. Adam seems quite keen on the idea.
Heres my Pro: I am probably going to be rather upset when i see the negative result, so having christmas, my birthday and my party striaght after may certainly help to perk me up. I always get a little depressed when christmas etc is over anyway, so adding a negative test ontop of that midweek would be pretty harsh.
Pro number two: If the test happened to be positive, it would be the best christmas present we've ever had.
Heres my con: My period is only due today, therefore the chances of it showing up tomorrow anyway are pretty slim.
I am really trying to not get my hopes up about it all, iv had tummy ache on and off for the past two days now so things arent looking good :(
Iv also had unbarable thirst, extreme fatigue, cravings for sausage meat and tender breasts, but all of this could be linked to the dreaded upcoming period :/
If this is yet another negative, that is our 'trying' over for about 8 months, which breaks my heart. But at least now we have Kellys baby to be all excited about :)
Happy Christmas to all, how ironic is it that we are celebrating the birth of a baby too :p
Will let you know, when i know.
XxXxXxxXxXxXxX
Found out recently that my lovely sister in law is now expecting, which is lovely, because it means i can get my baby fix, and have one as a big part of my life, and have a fantastic excuse for all the baby shopping i do :)
Well i think we've given it a pretty good shot this month, we've stuck to all our dates and done everything 'by the book', but still.. im not getting my hopes up.
Today is Christmas eve, aswell as my due date :( Which is pretty suckyish in to anyone, but especially to me at the moment, i have no idea how i am going to feel when my period arrives and its looking likely to either be Christmas day, My 21st Birthday or my Party day, none of which are overly appealing to me.
My fabulous friend Beki (also expecting) gave me a 'lucky pregnancy test' as a secret santa gift and told me to take it on Christmas morning. Im battling with myself as to whether to go ahead with this or not. Adam seems quite keen on the idea.
Heres my Pro: I am probably going to be rather upset when i see the negative result, so having christmas, my birthday and my party striaght after may certainly help to perk me up. I always get a little depressed when christmas etc is over anyway, so adding a negative test ontop of that midweek would be pretty harsh.
Pro number two: If the test happened to be positive, it would be the best christmas present we've ever had.
Heres my con: My period is only due today, therefore the chances of it showing up tomorrow anyway are pretty slim.
I am really trying to not get my hopes up about it all, iv had tummy ache on and off for the past two days now so things arent looking good :(
Iv also had unbarable thirst, extreme fatigue, cravings for sausage meat and tender breasts, but all of this could be linked to the dreaded upcoming period :/
If this is yet another negative, that is our 'trying' over for about 8 months, which breaks my heart. But at least now we have Kellys baby to be all excited about :)
Happy Christmas to all, how ironic is it that we are celebrating the birth of a baby too :p
Will let you know, when i know.
XxXxXxxXxXxXxX
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Stupid imagination :/
Iv had a reasonable few days. Not got stupidly emotional or anything but my head is playing its old tricks again.. every little thing i feel, i end up convincing myself i'm pregnant. Iv been very tired, thirsty and achy the past few days and its got me in an unnecessary tizzy of excitement :/ When in actual fact, I'm probably just coming down with the flu :(
How many people in the world would be excited by such symptoms? I must be raving mad :p
Still, at least excitement is a positive emotion. So, for the time being, i cant complain. That is, however until the end of the month returns with its usual torture :(
My period is due on Christmas eve.. how un-magical is that?? And with this being our last month of trying this could make or break my Christmas. I shall try desperately hard not to though.
My friend Beki has returned to work after a short period of sickness this week so we've had lots of baby talk and feeling the bump again. Most people expect me to be upset by being surrounded by pregnant ladies, but i feel quite the opposite. Its like my comfort zone, its my favourite thing to talk about.
Life is pretty good at the moment really, Christmas just around the corner, lots of parties coming up, the house is finally getting sorted :) My smile, for the time being, is back :D
xXxXxXxXxXxXx
How many people in the world would be excited by such symptoms? I must be raving mad :p
Still, at least excitement is a positive emotion. So, for the time being, i cant complain. That is, however until the end of the month returns with its usual torture :(
My period is due on Christmas eve.. how un-magical is that?? And with this being our last month of trying this could make or break my Christmas. I shall try desperately hard not to though.
My friend Beki has returned to work after a short period of sickness this week so we've had lots of baby talk and feeling the bump again. Most people expect me to be upset by being surrounded by pregnant ladies, but i feel quite the opposite. Its like my comfort zone, its my favourite thing to talk about.
Life is pretty good at the moment really, Christmas just around the corner, lots of parties coming up, the house is finally getting sorted :) My smile, for the time being, is back :D
xXxXxXxXxXxXx
Friday, 3 December 2010
The highs and lows :/
Well just as i thought i was doing a pretty good job of being positive and not concentrating on the baby thoughts that attempt to flood my head hundred of times a day, we watched 'Sex and the City' the other night, and Miranda giving birth had me hysterical again.
Adam was fab, he just got hold of my hand and reassured me that our time will come, but i couldnt fight back the tears, yet again.
Adams been very different lately, he's started talking more about babies and how desperate he is for one, its nice, it shows that we both want the same things and its nice to know he feels similar to me.
Iv managed to pick myself up again though. We've been snowed in for the past 3 days so we've had some nice time together to plan all the spare rooms in the house.
I know it sounds daft and unhelpful, but iv spent this afternoon on baby and fertitlity apps on my phone. Thinking about birthing plans, and discussing baby names with Adam. Im sure most people will that thats the worst thing i could possibly be doing, but being able to plan things like that seems to be keeping me going.
The chin is going to remain up!
XxXxXxXxXx
Adam was fab, he just got hold of my hand and reassured me that our time will come, but i couldnt fight back the tears, yet again.
Adams been very different lately, he's started talking more about babies and how desperate he is for one, its nice, it shows that we both want the same things and its nice to know he feels similar to me.
Iv managed to pick myself up again though. We've been snowed in for the past 3 days so we've had some nice time together to plan all the spare rooms in the house.
I know it sounds daft and unhelpful, but iv spent this afternoon on baby and fertitlity apps on my phone. Thinking about birthing plans, and discussing baby names with Adam. Im sure most people will that thats the worst thing i could possibly be doing, but being able to plan things like that seems to be keeping me going.
The chin is going to remain up!
XxXxXxXxXx
Saturday, 27 November 2010
Warning Signs
There is a very good reason why red signals a warning... Whenever my period arrives, it strolls in hand in hand with an unconsolable depression. Yet another month has gone by without a baby being made, and all my lunchtime pram shopping, nursery planning and name lists get tearfully pushed aside for another painful week.
Literally minutes after my last post, Adam left for a meeting and i had a major breakdown :( Adams sister ended up calling me and i went over. We chatted for a while and she soon made me feel better.
We have decided to have one more month of trying for a baby before we have our break for Abi's wedding. Im going to try and stay chilled, while making sure we stick to our right dates and do everything properly to give us the best chance of conception. I am really trying to stay relaxed and not get over emotional about it now. Im trying to concentrate on the fact that it will happen, one day.
I have started a maternity fund :) You dont get any pay during the last three months of maternity if you take a year, and given the option i would definately want to have a whole year off with my baby :) So each month i am putting some money to one side to make it easier when the time comes.
I suppose one positive is that the longer it takes, the more money will be saved up ready :)
Trying so hard to stay positive right now.
Fingers crossed for the month ahead!
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Literally minutes after my last post, Adam left for a meeting and i had a major breakdown :( Adams sister ended up calling me and i went over. We chatted for a while and she soon made me feel better.
We have decided to have one more month of trying for a baby before we have our break for Abi's wedding. Im going to try and stay chilled, while making sure we stick to our right dates and do everything properly to give us the best chance of conception. I am really trying to stay relaxed and not get over emotional about it now. Im trying to concentrate on the fact that it will happen, one day.
I have started a maternity fund :) You dont get any pay during the last three months of maternity if you take a year, and given the option i would definately want to have a whole year off with my baby :) So each month i am putting some money to one side to make it easier when the time comes.
I suppose one positive is that the longer it takes, the more money will be saved up ready :)
Trying so hard to stay positive right now.
Fingers crossed for the month ahead!
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Thursday, 25 November 2010
Here we go again...
Well, we've reached that time again.. It happens every month, my body begins to play games with my head. It always gives me a few days of 'late period' to get myself all excited, then punches me hard in the stomach with its cramps. I have been cramping for 3 days now, but nothing more. I am actually beginning to think my body and my brain have issues!
It really does break my heart though, i spend every single month wondering if this is going to be it, and every single time, it isnt.
Even though there is no period yet, my hopes are pretty much being crippled by every gut wrenching cramp.
We had decided that this was going to have to be our last month of trying for about 10 months too. My sister is getting married next November, and i am maid of honour. I am so excited, iv never been a bridesmaid before. She has found the most amazing dress and i am determined to look my best. The dress, however wouldnt allow for a baby bump. So the only sensible thing to do is to attempt to put the dream aside. It really does break my heart though, the thought of having to wait a minimum of another 19 months is unbarable.
I need to get a grip of my head and try and just make the next few months fly by.. or maybe one more month of trying wouldnt hurt. :/
XxXxXxXxXxXxX
It really does break my heart though, i spend every single month wondering if this is going to be it, and every single time, it isnt.
Even though there is no period yet, my hopes are pretty much being crippled by every gut wrenching cramp.
We had decided that this was going to have to be our last month of trying for about 10 months too. My sister is getting married next November, and i am maid of honour. I am so excited, iv never been a bridesmaid before. She has found the most amazing dress and i am determined to look my best. The dress, however wouldnt allow for a baby bump. So the only sensible thing to do is to attempt to put the dream aside. It really does break my heart though, the thought of having to wait a minimum of another 19 months is unbarable.
I need to get a grip of my head and try and just make the next few months fly by.. or maybe one more month of trying wouldnt hurt. :/
XxXxXxXxXxXxX
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