There is a very good reason why red signals a warning... Whenever my period arrives, it strolls in hand in hand with an unconsolable depression. Yet another month has gone by without a baby being made, and all my lunchtime pram shopping, nursery planning and name lists get tearfully pushed aside for another painful week.
Literally minutes after my last post, Adam left for a meeting and i had a major breakdown :( Adams sister ended up calling me and i went over. We chatted for a while and she soon made me feel better.
We have decided to have one more month of trying for a baby before we have our break for Abi's wedding. Im going to try and stay chilled, while making sure we stick to our right dates and do everything properly to give us the best chance of conception. I am really trying to stay relaxed and not get over emotional about it now. Im trying to concentrate on the fact that it will happen, one day.
I have started a maternity fund :) You dont get any pay during the last three months of maternity if you take a year, and given the option i would definately want to have a whole year off with my baby :) So each month i am putting some money to one side to make it easier when the time comes.
I suppose one positive is that the longer it takes, the more money will be saved up ready :)
Trying so hard to stay positive right now.
Fingers crossed for the month ahead!
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Saturday 27 November 2010
Thursday 25 November 2010
Here we go again...
Well, we've reached that time again.. It happens every month, my body begins to play games with my head. It always gives me a few days of 'late period' to get myself all excited, then punches me hard in the stomach with its cramps. I have been cramping for 3 days now, but nothing more. I am actually beginning to think my body and my brain have issues!
It really does break my heart though, i spend every single month wondering if this is going to be it, and every single time, it isnt.
Even though there is no period yet, my hopes are pretty much being crippled by every gut wrenching cramp.
We had decided that this was going to have to be our last month of trying for about 10 months too. My sister is getting married next November, and i am maid of honour. I am so excited, iv never been a bridesmaid before. She has found the most amazing dress and i am determined to look my best. The dress, however wouldnt allow for a baby bump. So the only sensible thing to do is to attempt to put the dream aside. It really does break my heart though, the thought of having to wait a minimum of another 19 months is unbarable.
I need to get a grip of my head and try and just make the next few months fly by.. or maybe one more month of trying wouldnt hurt. :/
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It really does break my heart though, i spend every single month wondering if this is going to be it, and every single time, it isnt.
Even though there is no period yet, my hopes are pretty much being crippled by every gut wrenching cramp.
We had decided that this was going to have to be our last month of trying for about 10 months too. My sister is getting married next November, and i am maid of honour. I am so excited, iv never been a bridesmaid before. She has found the most amazing dress and i am determined to look my best. The dress, however wouldnt allow for a baby bump. So the only sensible thing to do is to attempt to put the dream aside. It really does break my heart though, the thought of having to wait a minimum of another 19 months is unbarable.
I need to get a grip of my head and try and just make the next few months fly by.. or maybe one more month of trying wouldnt hurt. :/
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Wednesday 24 November 2010
A life long dream.
OK, so I'm nearly 21, i know I'm not exactly at the age to be worrying about covering greys, pensions and menopause. Many people will probably want to shake me and tell me to get a grip... but i want a baby soon! I have been with my fabulous husband for almost 4 years now, and we have been married for almost 7 months. At the beginning of our relationship we were unsure whether or not we were ever going to be able to have a family of our own due to a number of difficult factors of our lives. However, In January 2008 we discovered that it was possible, which was an unforgettable moment for us both.
We both went through an incredibly emotional few months at the start of that year and i have no doubt that the events brought us closer together.
I think that, after a year of awkward discussions about IVF, adoption, Surrogacy etc ,finding out that we would one day have children of our own set an excitement in us both, which hasn't left since. In the past couple of years we have had the run up to the wedding which took a great deal of planning, but throughout all of this (as perfect as the day was) i spent months counting down the weeks until we could begin to try for a baby.
Let me explain a bit more about myself... I am a very typical 'girly girl' and always enjoyed playing with dolls etc as a child, but i cant help thinking that it has always been a deeper thing than just childhood role play. My childhood games would always consist of pretending i was having a baby, getting my mum to ask me questions about my baby, taking dolls to school, shopping etc and becoming so attached to them that i have been unable to get rid of them to this day.
I grew up with my mother being a childminder, which i loved. I took great pride in helping to tell stories, and play with the children. At the age of 14 i was set a project at school, i had to bring an 'electronic baby' home to look after for the weekend. The 'baby' was designed to teach young teens about the difficulties of caring for a child, in aim to prevent teenage pregnancies. It would cry several times in the night, Need feeding, changing, winding etc. Each student was given a sealed envelope containing a key to deactivate the doll if absolutely necessary.
After the first night of being woken up 16 times, i was besotted with my doll, I took great pride in walking him around in a pushchair i borrowed from my neighbour.
When the morning came for us to return the dolls to school, i arrived in class to find that 70% of my classmates had used their deactivation keys! After handing my 'baby' back to the teacher, i snook off to the toilet and cried.
Since leaving school, i have done a number of childcare courses which i loved every second of.
People tell me 'I'm a natural' and i just cant help but feel that i was born to be a mummy.
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We both went through an incredibly emotional few months at the start of that year and i have no doubt that the events brought us closer together.
I think that, after a year of awkward discussions about IVF, adoption, Surrogacy etc ,finding out that we would one day have children of our own set an excitement in us both, which hasn't left since. In the past couple of years we have had the run up to the wedding which took a great deal of planning, but throughout all of this (as perfect as the day was) i spent months counting down the weeks until we could begin to try for a baby.
Let me explain a bit more about myself... I am a very typical 'girly girl' and always enjoyed playing with dolls etc as a child, but i cant help thinking that it has always been a deeper thing than just childhood role play. My childhood games would always consist of pretending i was having a baby, getting my mum to ask me questions about my baby, taking dolls to school, shopping etc and becoming so attached to them that i have been unable to get rid of them to this day.
I grew up with my mother being a childminder, which i loved. I took great pride in helping to tell stories, and play with the children. At the age of 14 i was set a project at school, i had to bring an 'electronic baby' home to look after for the weekend. The 'baby' was designed to teach young teens about the difficulties of caring for a child, in aim to prevent teenage pregnancies. It would cry several times in the night, Need feeding, changing, winding etc. Each student was given a sealed envelope containing a key to deactivate the doll if absolutely necessary.
After the first night of being woken up 16 times, i was besotted with my doll, I took great pride in walking him around in a pushchair i borrowed from my neighbour.
When the morning came for us to return the dolls to school, i arrived in class to find that 70% of my classmates had used their deactivation keys! After handing my 'baby' back to the teacher, i snook off to the toilet and cried.
Since leaving school, i have done a number of childcare courses which i loved every second of.
People tell me 'I'm a natural' and i just cant help but feel that i was born to be a mummy.
xXxXxXxXx
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